|
Here is a by no means complete list of those who have tried to score
Scooter's Hand and failed miserably. Let their folly be an example to
you. note: names have been changed to protect the embarrassed. (signal
word="extraneous") |
|
NAME: Robert Morrissey
McKaye
NICKNAME: Punktard
GRIEVOUS FAULT: Mac user
TRAGIC FLAW: everyone thinks he's gay
HOBBIES: talking about how punk he used to be, evangelizing about
Macintoshes, illiteracy, deceit
GOOD POINTS: scored the new White Stripes album way before it was released
|
  |
NAME:
Herschel
Dorkowitz
NICKNAME:
GRIEVOUS
FAULT: loved
Bruce
Springsteen
unnaturally
TRAGIC FLAW:
From New
Jersey
HOBBIES:
criticizing
everything on
earth,
self-aggrandizing
behavior,
bragging about
his fancy car
GOOD POINTS:
was an OK
Scrabble
player |
NAME:
Comrade Dorko
Retardovich
NICKNAME:
Booooohrees
GRIEVOUS
FAULT: read Are
You There God,
It's Me,
Margaret
as an adult to
understand
women.
TRAGIC FLAW:
Steve Miller
fan
HOBBIES:
thinking he's
a
"misunderstood
badass",
GOOD POINTS:
his goofy
Russian
accent.
Especially
good when put
to Karaoke
use. |
 |
NAME: Leroy Pimpmeister
NICKNAME:
Sleazy D
GRIEVOUS FAULTS: can't carry on a conversation without invoking porn references
TRAGIC FLAW: low self esteem
HOBBIES: going on about technical details, pretending to be a pimp
GOOD POINTS: does a mean impression of Tom Jones singing "Do Me" as well as one of Hank Hill. |
| 
NAME: Huckleberry Muffin-Sloane
NICKNAME: Bubba
GRIEVOUS FAULT: his
existence
TRAGIC FLAW: never shut up
GOOD POINT: someday he will be dead and the world will be rid of him
HOBBIES: talking, talking, lecturing, bragging, talking
|
| 
NAME: Cyril Proteus Higgenbotham
NICKNAME: Mr. Squeals
GRIEVOUS FAULT: lack of personal
hygiene
TRAGIC FLAW: computer programmer
HOBBIES: being depressed,
playing Doom
GOOD POINTS: played mandolin, could sound exactly like Yoda |
NAME: Floyd Harley Tex
NICKNAME: Hey You!
GRIEVOUS FAULT: insanity (depression, chemical
dependence, anxiety)
TRAGIC FLAW: extreme lactose intolerance
GOOD POINTS: fixed my car once
HOBBIES: being high-maintenance, breaking things, art
|
NAME: Xaxxorg Lymphlopp Gargaxx
NICKNAME: Re-Todd
GRIEVOUS FAULT: severe, chronic, crippling geekiness
TRAGIC FLAW: loved Phil Collins
HOBBIES: wanking, spanking the monkey, whackin' off
GOOD POINTS: cute brother
|
NAME: Halfdan of Ghent
NICKNAME: Poseph
GRIEVOUS FAULT: delusions of grandeur
TRAGIC FLAW: lived with mommy in his 30s
HOBBIES: telling tall-tales, dissing the USA
GOOD POINTS: is probably gay
|
