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I have two beautiful fish, Alb?c and Istv? I also have a cat, Niamh, who is in the custody of my aunt and uncle, to escape the tyranny of my anti-cat landlord.

ALB?IC is a very intelligent and hardy creature. He is mostly translucent grey, with some orange stripes, though you can't see them veyr well because I think he's malnourished. Alb?c spends his days swimming around aimlessly taking in the beauty of the 3.5 gallons of tank which he calls home.

ISTVN is more active than the philosophical Alb?c. He darts around the tank sucking crap off the bottom. He is a catfish and enjoys nothing more than a hearty meal of leftover decaying fish food. When he's had his fill of searching and eating leftovers, he hides behind the black stone in the tank and plays dead.

NIAMH likes nothing better than a good meal of fresh rodents. Mice, squirrels, baby rabbits and moles alike run screaming from the sight of her stripy face.

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